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I’ve always had great difficulty describing myself to people who don’t know me well. I don’t mean describing my personality traits, or my favorite things to do, or any of the simpler things about me. I mean really trying to describe my social life. It’s tricky! As an artist, I like to be alone and gather my thoughts, feelings, energy and creating something. But man I need to get out sometimes!!
So in my journeys of scrolling the interwebs I came across a word that summed up exactly how I feel about being social: ambivert. Its a combination of an introvert and extrovert. Now you may think this sounds nonsensical because how the hell can one person be two completely opposite things. To that, I say, hell yeah, sounds like bullshit! But it’s exactly how I feel!
Okay, this is what I mean. I love people! Generally lol but I dig being around big groups of people enjoying some good ass music, some food, drinks and sharing each other’s vibe. It’s what living is about! I especially love if an event is art related. Doesn’t even have to be my art! But it means there’s gonna be a group of people I can get along with and show a big part of myself too. I like sharing myself. I think I’m pretty awesome and I don’t wanna keep all that shit to myself! Let’s all be awesome together! Doesn’t even have to be a show. We can all just chill together, talk about life, our struggles, our accomplishments, smoke something and enjoy each other’s presence. I appreciate the intangible treasures of someone sharing their passion. It’s priceless!
Okay, so here’s the other side of the coin…People are the worst! Generally lol I don’t wanna be around other people’s shit! They complain about solutions, resist happiness and drown in excuses to the point of shattering their own dreams.Constsntly stressed and projecting their own self doubt and insecurity on me like I got anything to do with that shit. People drain me so heavily that I can’t even focus on my own thoughts from time to time. I have to recharge. I don’t want to be the company to your misery. By myself I am at peace. With others they cling to my peace until it’s stripped like bark on trees leaving left what feels like only a twig. Fuck these people man.
And then, in my state of peace and by my lonesome, after time passes and I’m fully recharged I crave company again. That vibe you can only get when in the company of others and collectively having a great time wherever doing whatever. So what does that make me? An ambivert? According to Webster. But I think it just makes me human. Who doesn’t feel like that sometimes?!